Learning to Let Go

Talk about a blast from the past! After a 2 year hiatus from posting, I thought I'd check out my old blog posts and see what it was that I was so excited to write about back then.

The very end of my last post completely floored me. As follows:

"So let me make a toast.... To the end of squandered opportunities, to the end of bad choices, and to the beginning of recognizing a good thing when you find it."

I cannot say how completely appropos that final paragraph was. It fell about 5 days after my very first date with Chris, and two days after skiing my first half-marathon distance ski race.

Then came the big gap in postings. Why? Because as it turns out, it's difficult to find the inspiration to blog when you don't have any drama in your life. That may not be true of everyone, but it was certainly true for me. There is a part of me that wants to take the happy things in her life and keep them private- nurture them and hide them from the world, lest they fly away and disappear.

What were my life concerns two years ago? I wanted to find someone to be my true partner in life, to help me find my "true north" and (much more mundane) to pass the CPA exam.

Now I find myself happily married, considering a family, and most recently a CPA licensing candidate after having FINALLY passed that bugger of an exam.

In my past life, my inability to let go of things was the bane of my existence. I would obsess over failed relationships, bad decisions, not knowing what I wanted for dinner, you name it.

As a happy person who has recently achieved some of her major life goals, I am now finding myself obsessing over my most recently accomplished goal, which was to pass the CPA exam.

After over 18 months of studying and agonizing, I finally killed the exam with what turned out to be relatively few hiccups. However now that I'm not obsessively stressing myself about study and work, I find myself searching for ways to hold onto that aggravating exam. For example, I recently took on project to help a CPA website administrator put together a set of study flashcards to offer on his website. That's right, I voluntarily spent another month effectively studying the darn CPA exam AFTER receiving my passing grades. Even I am wondering about my sanity on that one.

My dear husband just shakes his head at me and then goes off to read a good book, which is what I too would be doing if I was halfway sane.

E.