God love my friends, they are an adventurous group of people.
A good friend of mine sent me a text at about midnight on Saturday, saying, "I just spent the entire day snowmobiling and now I'm being hit on by a 60 year old woman. It's come down to this, Erica, get me my gun. I'm done!" I didn't receive the text until around 3am, at which time I couldn't stop myself from sending him what I felt was a friendly and appropriately supportive response saying, "Well, did you ask her to take out her dentures?"
This of course led to an immediate phone call from him, full of disgusted protestations about the potential horrors of kissing someone with no teeth. I responded that it might behoove him to find a new place to hang out, if he doesn't like the attention he's receiving. And on my own end, perhaps I should know better than to answer late-night text messages? ;) j/k, Ry.
I was toying with the idea of posting an, "Erica's top 5 worst dates ever" blog, but I think maybe that might be unfair to some of the people I went out with. After all, there could be a perfectly good (medical?) reason why someone would spit into their hand a dozen times during dinner while steadfastly refusing to use a napkin (Where did the spit disappear to? I have no idea.). Or maybe it's not nearly so entertaining as I think to go on a Valentine's date and have your date tell you *after* you order that he has only $10 with him, and then offer to cook you a breakfast burrito at his house instead. Or who could forget my personal favorite, which involved being invited over to watch a movie at a boyfriend's dorm room, only to arrive and find him sitting with a group of dorm buddies, snuggled up to another girl?
But no worries- in typical "Erica" fashion, I stuck around to watch the entire movie anyway, just to piss him off. And in the end the other girl ended up dating his best friend, so I guess you just can't fight karma, can you? Poor guy.... he wasn't very smart. This is the same guy who asked me if "Romeo and Juliet" was written by Shakespeare. But damn, was he cute!
It's tempting in the face of adversity to concentrate on all the bad experiences and forget about the astonishingly good ones. If you can manage to let go of the slights of the past and immerse yourself in the memories that make you smile, the journey is much sweeter. You get much more satisfaction from the memory of meeting the handsome blue-eyed stranger who asked you to dance and then whirled your heart away, or the amazing company of a true gentleman at a formal event. Or the smile of anticipation on someone's face before a first kiss, followed by the smile of triumph afterwards.
Such are the memories that keep you going when you've spent two years making mistake after mistake. If you're lucky, you'll recognize your true opportunity when it presents itself and you won't let it go to waste.
On this very day, I hope that I have finished making mistakes and will be forgiven for those I've already made.
So let me make a toast.... To the end of squandered opportunities, to the end of bad choices, and to the beginning of recognizing a good thing when you find it.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Working on my aim.
Currently my life is nothing short of a chaotic mess.
I'm running in 5 directions at once, which obviously results in me getting nowhere... or maybe not nowhere, but definitely not where I want to go in 4 out of the 5 directions.
What am I doing, you ask? "What am I not doing?" is perhaps the better question. My life has taken some large and significant turns over the last two years. If you factor in the last 5, it's just beyond comprehension.
2004 - divorce and move to Vermont, lose 15 lbs.
2005 - Serious but brief relationship, move to Houston, become broke, move home to Duluth, lose another 5 lbs.
2006 - Start serious relationship with a sloth, gain 15 lbs.
2007 - End serious relationship with sloth, spend the rest of the year wasting more time with sloth. Develop riding goals and start working on judging certification.
2008 - Get promoted, work life in an uproar, no progress on the CPA exam, finally ditch the sloth for good, run WAAAY too many horse shows, be financially irresponsible and just generally behave like a complete mess. Start skiing again, put my horse on the back burner.
2009 - Go crazy skiing. Pay someone else to play with my horse. Trying to re-establish my direction at work, join an e-zine, lose 5 lbs and trying to ground my sense of self. Set goal to do a short course triathlon in 6 months, get my judging scores in 6 months, pass the CPA exam in 6 months.... oh holy FUCK, how the heck am I supposed to do all that?!
Life confusion, TODAY... ski well, don't ski well, ski well again. Feel skinnier, look skinnier, feel fat again, LOOK fat again. Feel inspired, feel left behind, feel like I can take on the world and TKO. Want something, want nothing, want anything! See the distance, see everything around me, see nothing but my tunnel vision with a truck in the way.
The thoughts in my head are dizzying and move at the speed of light. One topic, another topic, a third and then circle back to the first. A little nervous, almost queasy... did I have too much caffeine? Yes. Not real stress then, just the coffee. Breathe in, and breathe the stress out with it. Wash, rinse, repeat. Pause for thought- my thoughts would confuse many people. Un-pause. Re-orient the antenna... proceed with normal programming.
***************
It's Valentine's Day. I'm single. I haven't had a "good" Valentine's day since 2003, and haven't had sex on Valentine's Day since 2004. I read the preceding paragraphs and think it's possibly a good thing I've been single for two years. I've been pseudo-stalked by a string of booty-texters, but I'm quite sure that doesn't count. I shouldn't complain, I could be single with no entertainment from the inebriated masses.
My dear friend Jimmy sent me the the following text this morning: "Happy Valentine's Day... The most smurftastic, smurfarific, F-ing day of the year! Thanks Mr. Hershey!"
My response: "And thank you Mr. Valentine for being executed, too!"
His response: "I heart hangings and beheadings!"
How can you dislike V.D. (I freaking laugh every time I say that abbreviation) when you have super-fantastic friends who say things like "I heart hangings and beheadings!" I died laughing, much to the chagrin of my father, who during this interchange was attempting to make a point to my mother and I on the specific reasons why the current economic stimulus package will flop. After the third or fourth time I interrupted him, laughing and chuckling to myself, "I heart hangings and beheadings, AUGH, I'm dying... so sorry dad, please continue!" he finally gave up. God bless my father.
What are the directions I'm being pulled right now, you may ask? Writing. Riding and managing shows. Skiing/potentially triathlon-ing. Working. CPA-ing.
I think half the reason I'd like to meet someone is because then I've have some kind of magnetic north around which to plot my course. I don't necessarily need to *go* north, but knowing where north is, suddenly the other directions may become more clear. When you can change your own north at will, because it's merely internal, it's that much easier to find yourself becoming disoriented.
Some food for thought.
E.
I'm running in 5 directions at once, which obviously results in me getting nowhere... or maybe not nowhere, but definitely not where I want to go in 4 out of the 5 directions.
What am I doing, you ask? "What am I not doing?" is perhaps the better question. My life has taken some large and significant turns over the last two years. If you factor in the last 5, it's just beyond comprehension.
2004 - divorce and move to Vermont, lose 15 lbs.
2005 - Serious but brief relationship, move to Houston, become broke, move home to Duluth, lose another 5 lbs.
2006 - Start serious relationship with a sloth, gain 15 lbs.
2007 - End serious relationship with sloth, spend the rest of the year wasting more time with sloth. Develop riding goals and start working on judging certification.
2008 - Get promoted, work life in an uproar, no progress on the CPA exam, finally ditch the sloth for good, run WAAAY too many horse shows, be financially irresponsible and just generally behave like a complete mess. Start skiing again, put my horse on the back burner.
2009 - Go crazy skiing. Pay someone else to play with my horse. Trying to re-establish my direction at work, join an e-zine, lose 5 lbs and trying to ground my sense of self. Set goal to do a short course triathlon in 6 months, get my judging scores in 6 months, pass the CPA exam in 6 months.... oh holy FUCK, how the heck am I supposed to do all that?!
Life confusion, TODAY... ski well, don't ski well, ski well again. Feel skinnier, look skinnier, feel fat again, LOOK fat again. Feel inspired, feel left behind, feel like I can take on the world and TKO. Want something, want nothing, want anything! See the distance, see everything around me, see nothing but my tunnel vision with a truck in the way.
The thoughts in my head are dizzying and move at the speed of light. One topic, another topic, a third and then circle back to the first. A little nervous, almost queasy... did I have too much caffeine? Yes. Not real stress then, just the coffee. Breathe in, and breathe the stress out with it. Wash, rinse, repeat. Pause for thought- my thoughts would confuse many people. Un-pause. Re-orient the antenna... proceed with normal programming.
***************
It's Valentine's Day. I'm single. I haven't had a "good" Valentine's day since 2003, and haven't had sex on Valentine's Day since 2004. I read the preceding paragraphs and think it's possibly a good thing I've been single for two years. I've been pseudo-stalked by a string of booty-texters, but I'm quite sure that doesn't count. I shouldn't complain, I could be single with no entertainment from the inebriated masses.
My dear friend Jimmy sent me the the following text this morning: "Happy Valentine's Day... The most smurftastic, smurfarific, F-ing day of the year! Thanks Mr. Hershey!"
My response: "And thank you Mr. Valentine for being executed, too!"
His response: "I heart hangings and beheadings!"
How can you dislike V.D. (I freaking laugh every time I say that abbreviation) when you have super-fantastic friends who say things like "I heart hangings and beheadings!" I died laughing, much to the chagrin of my father, who during this interchange was attempting to make a point to my mother and I on the specific reasons why the current economic stimulus package will flop. After the third or fourth time I interrupted him, laughing and chuckling to myself, "I heart hangings and beheadings, AUGH, I'm dying... so sorry dad, please continue!" he finally gave up. God bless my father.
What are the directions I'm being pulled right now, you may ask? Writing. Riding and managing shows. Skiing/potentially triathlon-ing. Working. CPA-ing.
I think half the reason I'd like to meet someone is because then I've have some kind of magnetic north around which to plot my course. I don't necessarily need to *go* north, but knowing where north is, suddenly the other directions may become more clear. When you can change your own north at will, because it's merely internal, it's that much easier to find yourself becoming disoriented.
Some food for thought.
E.
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